Five Ways Edo Phoenix Almost Died Young
by Immicolia
Summary: Five times Edo faced death and somehow managed to squeak by. [spoilers through the end of season 3]


i

It's a memory Edo will carry with him to his grave, and ultimately always blame himself for. Faint and gossamer thin as childhood memories tend to be, but still so very real. The sounds of a struggle somewhere down the hall, and he sat bolt upright in bed, eyes wide as he listened to the clattering and the shouts and that one loud, terrible, terrible _scream_ that left his blood running icy cold through his veins.

He doesn't move, even when things go silent. Doesn't move for what feels like days, although it's really only hours, and simply sits there. His knees drawn up to his chest and his eyes staring wildly at the door. Waiting for his father to come and check on him. To smile and tell him that everything is find and those sounds he heard were nothing more than a bad dream.

It's only when the silence gets to be too much that he creeps his way out of bed and down the hall. Small, silent, feet sinking into the carpet as he pads along and carefully whispers, "Daddy?" into the dark.

Finding his father (his father's body) of course, is the portion of the memory that is burned into his mind. A fiery stab of pain and terror that has forever branded him and ultimately shaped Edo Phoenix into the young man he has become.

And he will always wonder what would have happened if he'd had the courage to creep out of his room at the very first sound of a struggle.

ii

At thirteen, Edo starts sneaking out of the house.

DD is off on tour, leaving him virtually alone and it's really no great feat for someone like Edo to slip away when he wants to. And even if Saiou knew about his antics (which, Edo is starting to get the feeling that he does) Edo wonders if the older boy would even _try_ to stop him.

Not that anyone could stop him, not even DD if the man were actually around. Edo Phoenix is a man (boy) possessed. One who will stop at nothing to find out what he needs to know. Skulking through alleyways that smell like garbage and urine to where he _knows_ there is an underground dueling ring. Still not entirely sure what he'll do when he gets there, just knowing he has to get there. Has to start asking questions.

Has to find the man who stole That Card. The one who killed his father.

The night is mostly a blur. A giant smudge of childish bravado in the back of his mind, punctuated with one knife-sharp moment of searing pain. The wrong question asked of the wrong person and suddenly there is a blade biting into his side and he's bleeding out on the floor and damn lucky that _someone_ down there had enough courage to pull a foolish child out and away and call an ambulance (not that they hung around long enough to make sure that the ambulance made it, leaving Edo to potentially bleed to death on the sidewalk, instead of in some filthy building)

DD doesn't come home, instead simply berating Edo for his foolishness over the telephone and insisting that Edo give up this madman's quest for revenge. Attempting to play the guilt card as he adds, "Your father wouldn't want to see you getting hurt like this," and Edo murmurs in agreement. Assuring DD that he's learned his lesson.

The only thing Edo learns from that night is that he simply has to be a little more careful in his questioning.

iii

The room is already starting to fill with smoke and Edo's lungs are aching and burning in his chest but he can't move. Crouching next to DD's duel disc, tears stinging in his eyes (it's the smoke, it's just the smoke) and too afraid to simply reach out and eject DD's deck from the damn thing.

He has to, Edo _knows_ he has to. Has to grab the deck and the card that is in it. The card he has been searching for almost his entire life. His father's legacy.

The proof that the man who raised him for the past ten years is nothing but a murderer. That his closest (only) friend in the world is tangled up in this somehow. That his entire life from the age of six onward is nothing more than a convoluted lie.

He doesn't want to acknowledge it anymore than he wants to leave that damn card behind. Crouching on the floor, suspended in absolute hesitation, while the room gets hotter and the smoke gets thicker. Knowing that if he sits there long enough the decision will be taken out of his hands because then he'll just be dead and what will it matter anymore?

But he's not that much of a coward. Can't _allow_ himself to be and with one swiftly muttered curse that comes out as a rasping cough he hits the button to eject the full deck from the duel disc. Vision nothing more than a blur and he prays that he doesn't drop any of them (or at least, none of the important ones) as he stumbles outside.

Not that he knows how the hell he's getting off this damn boat, but at least the decision is made. At least he won't die with _tha__t_ on his conscience.

iv

When Saiou (not Saiou, the Light) wins, and everything goes white, Edo thinks he's died.

Isn't that how it's supposed to go? The white light? And Edo almost starts laughing madly at the thought, because now _everything_ is going to go out in a blaze of white light and it's his fault. All his fault.

(because he couldn't save his father and he couldn't save Saiou and he can't save himself and god _knows_ he can't save the world)

He's not dead though. Not yet. Just a bargaining chip between the Light and Judai and Edo wishes he had the strength to shake himself out of this gossamer haze and scream. To tell Judai to just let him die because he doesn't _deserve_ to live. Not now. Not anymore. Not since he put the entire world at risk through his own foolish bravado.

Except Judai is noble. More noble, more heroic, than Edo will ever be no matter how much he tries and it kills Edo to realize this. To know that he will forever be in Judai's debt (provided they all survive) because Judai can't even put _one_ life before the fate of the entire world.

v

Edo nearly died at least twenty times over in that other world. Fighting alongside Hell Kaiser with a sort of fearless abandon, and after a while it turns into an impromptu competition: who can duel more of the Supreme King's men. The "and win" implied since a loss will be their death.

Of course, the irreverence exists only to stop them from going mad (which, Edo is starting to think would be a short trip for him and an even shorter trip for Hell Kaiser Ryo) just as the firm belief that they're both too damn _good_ to lose is the only thing stopping them (or Edo at least) from dissolving into a terrified mess, incapable of moving on.

He nearly died twenty times over, but it's the one time he _did_ die that he knows will never leave him. Staring up at Exodia, feeling so small and insignificant at the feet of the Forbidden One, and there is nothing more than defeat after that. A few bare seconds to scream at everyone to run. Except Judai won't because Judai's a fool and Edo _hate__s _that he can recognize the stricken look in Judai's eyes. Hates that he ever wished --in moments of dark and twisted jealousy-- that Judai would suffer even a _fraction_ of the tragedy that Edo has faced in his short life.

Then it is nothing but white light. Again. And Edo thinks he would laugh if he wasn't screaming.

White light, and then nothing but oblivion, and a piece of him (whatever piece is left) savours that. Savours the release from the constant churning of pain and guilt that passes for his life.

When he comes back to himself, when he's dragged (screaming) through dimensional walls and back to the world he left along with everyone else (save for Judai, and Hell Kaiser) he can't quite believe it. Wrapped up in a numb haze and he's told that it's shock or post-traumatic stress and there's nothing Edo can do but smile weakly and agree. Because they're right after all.

One can only face death so many times before things begin to take their toll.


End file.
